5 Hidden Love Blocks That May Be Keeping You Single
Do you feel like you're doing everything that you can on your dating journey but things just aren't working out for you?
Superficial dating advice seems so simple – if we just 'do this' thing, or 'say that', send this particular message, wear these particular clothes, or go to these places or maybe use this app, then things will magically fall into place.
But for many of us, even when we feel like we're doing everything "right," it's still just not happening. Or we might have a temporary blip of something working out, but we end up back at square one over and over.
When we're thinking about how we can resolve things long-term and make real, lasting changes, we need to look a little bit deeper.
In this blog I want to talk to you about five potentially hidden love blocks that are we're not always consciously aware of and that can hold you back on your dating and relationship journey in very real ways.
If you don't figure out what those hidden love blocks are in your own life, it doesn't matter how much dating advice you consume - unless we get to the root of what is holding us back, we don't really change our dating and relationship experiences in the long term.
5 Hidden love blocks that may be keeping you single
1. Ambivalence
Ambivalence is when what you think and say that you want doesn't quite line up with what you're actually doing.
For example, you say that you really want to date and you really want to meet somebody, but inside of you, you are actually more committed to your business, or traveling, and only have space to go on a date once a month.
There's no right or wrong here. Being committed to your business or career is GREAT, but if you are also committed to meeting people and dating, then you have to make time for that too. At some point, one will take time from the other, and you will have to prioritise which of the two is more important to you at this point in your life.
To some extent, I think we can have it all, but it does take effort and prioritising.
Ask yourself,
"Do I want to date? Do I really want to be in a relationship?How much do I want this?Do I want this to the extent where I will take some time from my business or travel plans (or whatever it may be)?"
Check in with yourself on where your internal commitment really lies in relation to what it is you say you want when it comes to love, dating and relationships.
2. Unresolved Trauma or Baggage
Sometimes we're not so aware of the hurt or pain that we're still carrying from a previous relationship, or something that else hasn't worked out in the past. This may also include childhood trauma or other life events that you've not healed from yet. We think we might have worked through it or resolved it, but unfortunately, we haven't yet.
These triggers come up only when we're with somebody, and that's often the time when we realise that we haven't dealt with things to the extent that we thought we have.
Check in with yourself and what you have been through in your life that you think might still be unresolved.
3. Hidden Beliefs and Fears
Do you have a deep fear of rejection? Are you afraid of being vulnerable and letting others know you or see you for who you really are?
These are very valid, and very real fears that I think most of us struggle with. Even when you're in a long-term relationship, there are no guarantees that you are not going to feel these things. There are no guarantees that you are never going to feel misunderstood or lonely, or not completely seen and accepted.
These hidden beliefs or fears may cause you to sabotage yourself, procrastinate on getting out there and making connections, or sabotage a potentially good connection, among many things.A lot of these things are relationship dynamics that we're not always aware of, so just something to keep in mind, that these could be a hidden block for you right now.
4. Control
Wanting to always stay on top of a situation might be one of the things that are holding you back.This is something that I often hear from my clients. So much of dating and relationships require you to take risks, let go, surrender, and give yourself over to so many things out of your control and potentially your comfort zone.
There's so little that we can control in life really, aside from taking responsibility for our own choices and thoughts and behaviors.
When you're in a dynamic with another person, you're not in a position to control their behaviour, choices or decisions - that's not a healthy relationship to start with. And if you find yourself wanting or needing to be able to be in control of another person and their behaviour there may be some deeper lying issues for you to look at.
If you are somebody who's struggling to give up control and feel like you need to control every step of your dating journey and how it's developing, and you want to set the pace it will be worth reflecting on why you need this to be the case and explore ways of how you can let go.
5. Availability vs Approachability
Just because you're single and available, and you're out there, doesn't mean that you are seen as 'easy to approach' or 'easy to talk to'.
What you need to be mindful of here is whatever energy you are projecting to the outside world, and make sure that it's saying "It's okay to talk to me. It's okay to make a connection with me." Be conscious of your approachability, not just your availability.
Do any of these potentially hidden love blocks resonate with you? Could they be at work in your life at the moment?
Is it ambivalence? Do you have hidden fears that you need to face, or realities you need to come at peace with? Do you need to focus on coming across a bit more approachable?
Remember, that this is a journey, and changes don't happen overnight. Just start with one step forward and then move on to another.
Take small, consistent steps until you overcome each of them.
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