Better Relationships: The Power of Looking Inward
We all want better relationships, and when things aren't quite working out in our relationships, many of us turn towards external advice that help us deal with these issues on superficial level.
This may work for some time, until you go through the same issues again and find yourself back at square one.
What happens on the outside is only a reflection of what's happening inside of us.
Your relationships are a reflection of the relationship you have with yourself.Having a healthy relationship with yourself means being aware and knowing and understanding who you are, what you like/dislike, who, why and how you love, and more.
It's this self-awareness that will help you become a better partner in your relationships.It doesn't matter whether you're currently in a relationship or just waiting for the right person to come along; now is always the perfect time for self-reflection.
Below are 3 resources that I regularly use with my clients that can serve as your starting point.
1. Gary Chapman's Five Love Languages
Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, and Physical Touch.
"Within the five basic emotional love languages, there are many dialects...The important thing is to speak the love language of your spouse."
- Dr. Gary Chapman -
Each person gives and receives love differently. My idea of feeling loved, or how I express love, may not be the same as yours, and you will most likely differ from your partner as well.
For example, my primary love language (what I need) is Quality Time, while Neil's primary love language (what he needs from me) is Acts of Service.
You can take The 5 Love Languages® official assessment here at no cost.
It will help you discover your love language profile, which will give you insight on your primary love language, what it means and how you can use it to connect with others.
2. Helen Fisher's Personality Quiz
Helen Fisher is a Biological Anthropologist and Senior Research Fellow at the Kinsey Institute. She studies the evolution, brain systems and cross-cultural patterns of romantic love, mate choice, marriage, adultery, divorce, gender differences in the brain, personality/temperament, and a lot more.
Helen created the quiz to "test the degree to which you express four broad styles of thinking and behaving, each associated with one of four basic brain systems: the dopamine (Explorer), serotonin (Builder), testosterone (Director) and estrogen (Negotiator) systems.
At the end of the quiz, you will receive feedback on three things:
- your "personality signature" (how you naturally think and behave),
- whom you are naturally attracted to, and
- the natural joys and problems that may occur when you connect with someone with a different "personality signature."
3. Discover Your Unique Love Blocks: 7 Questions To Ask Yourself (Workbook)
A couple weeks ago, I talked about 5 Hidden Love Blocks that might be keeping you from having the relationship you desire. If you don't figure out what those hidden love blocks are in your own life,it doesn't matter how much dating advice you consume. What you need to do is get to the root of what is holding you back. Until then, you won't get to change your experience of love.
I developed the 7 Questions Journaling Workbook to help you uncover, understand and resolve those love blocks - the destructive beliefs, fears, doubts, insecurity, and unresolved pain that's lingering just under the surface - and start attracting love from a place of clarity, confidence and strength. You can download the workbook here.
I hope you find these useful. I'd love to hear your thoughts about these resources in the comments below, and if you have other resources to recommend, please share them as well.
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