055 How to Attract an Emotionally Available Man Who Meets Your Needs – with Orchid Tao
Are you looking to attract a partner who listens to you, invests as much time and effort in the relationship as you, and most importantly, is emotionally available to you?
My special guest, Orchid Tao is a Dating and Empowerment Coach who specialises in helping single women to date discerningly and demonstrate their worth, empowering them to attract the right, emotionally available man for them, who makes them feel safe, cherished and loved – without question.
Listen in as we discover ways on how to attract emotionally available men, red flags to watch out for, and how self-worth plays a big role in the dynamics of your past and current relationships.
Click the play button to listen, or click here to watch the video.
How do you define emotional unavailability? What are we actually talking about?
“A lot of us are shut down emotionally, to the point where we can’t open up, we can’t really be ourselves, we can’t be vulnerable, we can’t be authentic, and actually just own our feelings and express them. We’re always fearful of what people are going to think, we’re fearful of getting hurt – and we’re just very guarded, and we have walls.
That’s how I would define emotional unavailability in general.
Many of us are emotionally unavailable to ourselves, meaning, that we don’t meet and honor our own needs, specifically to feel safe, secure, happy and loved and respected.
When we don’t stand for those things, when we don’t speak up or stand up for ourselves, and create boundaries for those things, then we are emotionally unavailable to ourselves – neglectful to ourselves.”
Red Flags: How To Know You’re Dating An Emotionally Unavailable Person
- In the beginning, if they’re not reaching out to you, if you find yourself having to chase after them, long for them, days and days pass by without hearing from them, or they’re extremely erratic in their contact with you, that’s a red flag for sure.
- If they say that they aren’t interested in having a serious relationship, really believe them. It’s a red flag for you, because you’re going to get hurt if you try to change or challenge that.
- If they’re married, in a relationship, or freshly divorcing – those aren’t good situations to get into.
- If he doesn’t listen, like if you can never be heard and they just talk over you, walk over you – those are red flags for sure.
- If they talk about sex right away – what are you wearing, what do you like to do in bed – on the first date, that’s a bad sign.
- There are men who will actually get mad at you really early on – which is a blessing, right? If they can show that side to you, the earlier, the better. That’s a red flag if they get mad at you for something or start attacking you, blaming you.
- Their communication style – how do they handle different points of view, how do they handle having conflict with others in their lives? You can tell if they’re a reasonable, understanding person who can see both sides and stay calm, or if they’re the type that’s gonna lose it and have an anger problem and just start attacking and blaming.
These are all signs that can indicate emotional unavailability.
We are responsible for our own personal development.
When it comes to emotionally unavailable men, the only way for us to avoid being in relationships with them is to no longer be attracted to them. Orchid says,
“I totally understand that it doesn’t feel exciting without the challenge or the drama, and I can understand that the chemistry can feel like it’s not there if that drama isn’t there, that intense emotion.
Here’s how that ended for me: I was no longer attracted to that. That’s what the real solution is, is that you are no longer attracted to that dynamic, continuing that pattern, or choosing men that will continue that pattern.
You have to no longer be attracted to that kind of man, and how you get there is by really, really truly valuing yourself – knowing that you are worthy and deserving of feeling safe, secure, and fulfilled, and just being freaking done with hurting.”
Tune in to hear Orchid share so much more of her own wisdom and experience in attracting and creating a healthy relationship with someone who meets her needs in every way.
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